Emergency Idiot Of The Week

Emergency Wednesday winner of our IDIOT OF THE WEEK

Congrats Jim on your retirement!!

In a twist that would make even Watergate blush, Jim McElwain, the head coach of Central Michigan, announced his retirement amidst an NCAA investigation that could've made him the next Richard Nixon of college football. Just like Tricky Dick, McElwain chose the path less traveled by retiring before the heat got too intense, leaving fans and foes alike to ponder what could've been if he'd stayed to fight another day.

The plot thickened when it was revealed that Connor Stalions, Michigan's own Deep Throat of sideline espionage, had been masquerading on Central Michigan's sideline. Talk about needing a disguise! Maybe McElwain thought, "If the game can't be fair, maybe the retirement should be." In a move of pure irony, McElwain's "retirement" was less about fishing and more about fishing for a less turbulent career path. He left the field not with a bang, but with a whisper, as if to say, "I am not a crook, but I'm also not sticking around to find out what the NCAA thinks."

Anyway, we are sure you will enjoy boating off into the sunset with dear friends.